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Sunday, October 23, 2005
Loser


      Yesterday was indeed a very very embarassing day for me... school... wheezz... I was the slowest on the practical exam relay... oh how I really, really really... hated it... I know I can never be the best as always but trying to be one would not be that bad... c")
   
      I don't know if the teacher doesn't like me at all since I was so talkative and have alot of comments and questions during class... I don't think it did took me 4 minutes in the service relay... i know I am indeed very very fast on it... though I committed mistakes but it is indeed so little... I never even broke a bottle or even a mug.. at least I didn't just almost and close to it... LOL... It is indeed a "Freaking" Saturday... I did enjoyed though yet very embarassed and so ashamed on what I did... I am indeed such a Loser!... well, I have to be better next time... and have to do what I can for it.... LOL! 
   
      Table setting, flower arrangements, waiter service relay..... oh la..la..la.. very busy and tiring Saturday huh... and also annoying classmate at my back... what made him think to say all of those words right in front of me?.... it is really awful and indeed I do not feel comfortable sitting beside him... It just made me wonder what does he meant by those? I do not believed him actually and all were nothing but a non-sense flowery, sugar coated words... I am not a stupid girl... i fully understand the game he is playing into me... I am not playing dumb in front of him.. I know I already changed as I became a Christian because way back then when people like him hitting on me I EMBARASS them right in-front of their faces so that they know where to place themselves and not to take advantage of me... but right now... hmmmp.. things changes... as he says those words into me I looked straight into his eyes trying to find sincerity on what he is saying... what I discerned is different... i feel compassion for him and how I wish this person knew the Lord like I do...
   
      Lord, would you please use other person to touch him so that he won't give any colour on my action towards him... 
      
      Afternoon session started and here he goes again... I cannot tolerate this anymore so i asked him if we could talk.. he was so silent and gave a very naive smile, told him that I don't like the way he is doing to me.. I find it rude and really so unfriendly, I don't want to embarass him infront of the class that's is why I kept my mouth shut all along the many words and bullying and instead replied his every comment, praises and words with smile... told him that he should not be like that.. My goodness! were not kids anymore I'm 24 and he is 27... he should not be acting like that... [deep sigh]... indeed really annoying... told him that I am not actually angry but he must know how to stopped it... I'm not offended actually but I cannot tolerate it... LOL... he seems like crying where in fact I am telling all of these in a very friendly manner because I don't want to offend him but I want him to know that I am not happy at all... I told him that there is always time for everything, time where he could play a joke, be goofy, wacky and funny but there is also a time that we should be serious in things and doing our projects and practical exams... He said I'm sorry in a very soft almost whisper, slowly yet clear words... I felt sincerity on it and accepted it..  I told him that i could be his very good friend and I smiled as a sign that I am indeed a friend for him... we shook hands and go back in the group.. at least everything is all clear now...
   
      After the practical exam, I really felt so tired and have a headache attack... lecture followed and discussion... I cannot focused since i was so bothered by the thought of me being the slowest.. I know it is not fair enough for making me the slowest.. i know I have done all the best that I could but then I do not know why she is giving me a grade that is very low... well, I'll be bring my own timer next meeting and proved to her that she was so wrong... oh.. school! 
   
      I walked all the way home thinking on what happened... took a nap then went to Yani's home to visit his mom and his younger sibling.. they were of course so happy to see me again...

      At last Tita Connie is settling down... she's getting married by next year... all the plans was laid down in front of me, which they actually adopted most of the concept of the wedding on our (me & Yani's plan) plan .. the white princess cut, beaded, v-cut gown (just like mine) will be the bride's gown... it's so lovely... the motiff is old rose... the idea of a garden, solem wedding which is for a very close family & friends only... I know those were all my ideas of my wedding and I am giving it to her... perhaps it wasn't mine at all... the songs were already prepared from the bridal march, saying of the weding bows up to the end of the ceremony... I remember, I'm supposed to sing my wedding vow ... [deep sigh]... i can't help crying that very moment... I'm crying not because of anything, I'm crying because I'm so happy for my Aunt Connie... of course I can't help thinking if I will still have that wedding day that I am wishing and ever wanted? will I still be married someday? I know the Lord knows, how I wish to get married by next year but to whom?.... LOL... crazy me!!.... I am indeed such a loser today... Lord, is there still a someone you intended for me? I'm praying nothing but your will Lord... help me to wait Patiently and be still for whatever plans YOU have for me....

             

                   

Posted at Sunday, October 23, 2005 by Star-Tariray
LoVe ThEy HaVe GiVeN (1)  

 
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Why go to the Church?
   Share to you a message forwarded by a friend...

    Churchgoer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday. "I've gone and done it for 30 long years now," he wrote, "and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons. But for the life of me, I canít remember a single one of them. So, I think I'm wasting my time and the preachers are wasting theirs too by giving lengthy sermons at all." 

   This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor" column, much to the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher: "I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But, for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do know this... They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today.

   Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!" When you are DOWN to nothing...God is UP to something! Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible, and receives the impossible! Thank God for our physical and our spiritual nourishment! When Satan is knocking at your door, simply say,Ē Jesus, could you get that for me?"

 


Posted at Saturday, October 22, 2005 by Star-Tariray
LoVe ThEy HaVe GiVeN (1)  

 
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Land of Dreams
   My mind is settled and at peace... October is almost ending and a few months to go another year will passed away... I have no plans and I do not know what the Lord's plans is fo me by next year... I am excited actually about that thought... a few weeks back I was thinking about the Land of dreams... something came into my mind as I am browsing the pages of my bible "The Promised Land" ... the land that the Lord gave to His people for His promised to Abraham and Jacob...  for sure the excitement is different when those promises was spoken and given by the Lord... 

   I have given up something that I thought would make me happy... and I thanked the Lord that He makes me realized that not everything is essential... It is supposed to be a dream come true for me, for my career and for my family yet the Lord is Lord! Money cannot make me happy and happy is different from having the Joy that I am feeling right now... it is coming from within... I'm supposed to go to the Land of Dreams... why did I say Land of Dreams? it is because it is where the place where you could actually make some of your dreams come true... human ways... but then it is the Lord who have much greater plans than what I have for my self... greater than what I am dreaming of....

     

    

Posted at Thursday, October 20, 2005 by Star-Tariray
LeT mE kNoW UR tHoUgHtS.......  

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