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Friday, October 07, 2005
Struggle
   Yesterday I stayed at home praying and fasting... Lord, give me a sign... I heard my mom and my elder sister arguing... I really don't like what caused them to have a terrible fight that made the whole house awake the whole night ... Lord, is this another sign that I have to go? speak to me Lord and that made things visible in front of my eyes...  

   The scenario made me cry out loud and bring me down again to the Father... Tearing me apart little by little and that Father it made me to stand up and to lean on you in moments like these... I know these will pass and that YOU will be in control...



   

Posted at Friday, October 07, 2005 by Star-Tariray
LeT mE kNoW UR tHoUgHtS.......  

 
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Sour Candy
   I got a phone call last night... yeah it's good news... the agancy called me to inform me that I was selected  from one of the many applicants out of 533 last Sunday on the said position... I don't feel that much excitement like I have before I was interviewed... forgot to mention that I did have a fellowship with my spiritual brother last Sundy night before I went home from work... I did cried so hard and went down on my knees about this dream...

   He's right.... if this is the Lord why I have a heavy heart to go? Why I am so confuse on what to decide? Why is that I can't find any reason at all why should I have to go? I know we are currently experiencing financial difficulty and there are times that we don't have bread on our table yet the Lord is always there to fill us in... The only reason that i have in my mind right now is that, I just can't help seeing  my mom at her old age still working and worrying about our daily bread... my salary isn't enough to cover it all up... everytime I see my mom  crying it broke my heart apart... and I know I could do things better that what I am earnign right now if only I could... I know I can do it... yet it is not on God's way... it'll be my own human way... I hate this feeling... this is what I am crying over the past few days over the phone to my Uncle... what shall I do now? this is the same thing that I cried last Sunday to my spiritual brother and just this morning while talking over the phone to my mom....

   After last Sunday's conversation, I got a high fever until today.... I know it's all about this... I know for sure this will be another different struggle in my life for the rest of the week .... the agency is kept on calling since I can't give my decision yet... not until this early morning... I declined the offer... I'm not leaving... unless the Lord tells me so... I know if it's His will I will be having a composed mind to go to Dubai... yeah, when I told it to my mom I saw her clouded face... she didn't say a word as I asked her... "Ma, why should I have to go?" it pierced my heart yet I will follow the Lord... in HIS time... in HIS time....  and with that, patiently I'll wait....   


   I'm so happy hearing my Manang that she is pregnant... oh, la..la... it made me so excited to go up to Baguio the soonest... I'm praying that I will be there when she delivers their very 1st baby.... Father, I'm lifting them up to YOU...


Dreams up high
Sparkling stars so high
Like diamonds up there
Gracing the night sky
   I know , someday
I'll hold you
I know, somehow
I'll touch you
Fall from the sky , star
Let me hold the dreams
enveloped you...
It'll happen I know...
In HIS time...
In HIS own perfect time... 

Star


Posted at Tuesday, October 04, 2005 by Star-Tariray
LeT mE kNoW UR tHoUgHtS.......  

 
Monday, October 03, 2005
My Ambition, my dream...
   It's Monday and I am still having the hang-over of yesterday's final interview with the employer from Dubai. I am pretty sure of my self that I have done my very best (here I go again with my human nature coming out, forgive me Lord) to passed that panel interview that I have yesterday.... but whatever the result will be so be it...

   I'm tired actually... tired of thingking of things... I'm tired of my previous extra activites done outside the office for the previous days and I feel like my body is giving up and I feel like I will be knocked down by sleep any minute...

   Yeah, have to be home early to have fellowshipping and bible study at home... Lord, hold my desire... I know this is my personal desire... I know You know that i longed for a career as what my Manong told me the other night as I have a fellowshipping with them... Oh, I love them both and really can't wait to see them... 

   Father, please be upon me and that let not my will be done into my life.... I'm leaving these prayer of mine into thy hands....




Posted at Monday, October 03, 2005 by Star-Tariray
LeT mE kNoW UR tHoUgHtS.......  

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