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Monday, February 07, 2005
~ AnOtHeR WeeK 2 cOuNt ~

AnoTHer WeeK To cOuNt

 

   Last Friday is another week ender for me… I think of a friend that is so dear to me that it made me to come up with a poem dedicated to him, her to all of them…to all of my friends that I dearly love and cherish…I praise you Father for giving me friends that lifted me up.  Friends where I could get lessons with, rely on, I could call during bad times and good times, friends that I could cry on, laugh with. Friends where sometimes hurted me and cause me pain…Friends who make me complete and friends whom strengthens me…Father, I’m lifting up all of my friends to you and that bless them, be upon them, prosper the works of their hands and be keep them safe…

 

   Saturday, I didn’t woke up the usual (0300 am) because of my right eye still aching but still I tried to get up @ 0500 am to helped my mom washed our clothes…I cleaned the house, rinse all the what is needed and then took a bath….I did have my morning devotions afterwards…thank you Lord for what a wonderful day to start with you. I read Psalms 73 verses 25-26 strikes me the most.. “Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon the earth that I desire beside You. My flesh and my heart fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever”….I cried upon reading this verse that I could even gave a tune into it and started singing it and be my favorite verse….it made me realized the things that I hoped and wishing to happened….sigh…is nothing compared to His glory…upon praying to Him something crossed my mind…I remembered my previous relationship with my friend Yani and right now with my Manong…It just gave me a smile remembering the two of them…I am not hurt anymore…I don’t feel pain anymore…..God healed me….and that I am so thankful of…I can’t think of any reason at all but I am happy and have the gladness into my heart that these two wonderful people are already part of my life now, in which I could take a glance back for awhile and remembered beautiful and fruitful memories of my past ….I’m looking forward to a brighter  future that there are times that I do failed to follow what God wants me to be yet He is the strength of  my heart for me to continue…I have a very good afternoon with the Lord and that I am so blessed of…..I thank you Lord for letting me experienced these things…..I have nothing deep in my heart but to love and be loved and that I praised God that in someway or another I felt being loved and right now I continue on loving and will continue…..

 

   Sunday Service was indeed a blessing for the whole congregation..I lead the Praise and worship and guess what? I my self could not believed it as well… the gladness I had in my heart shown into me upon the service for Him…I believed it is the outpouring of joy and gladness of my heart in praising Him and thanking Him for what He has done into my life….I am so blessed and so happy and indeed I’m in-love to my 1st love which is the Lord…my cup overflows….Halleluiah…

 

   Monday, every things falls into it’s place and that God be God of my life…be upon me…shower me thousand of patience and guide me….I answered all my e-mails, update my blog, comment into other blogs as well, praise God, prayed to Him, smiled my problems away, became another performer in the floor again, I laughed, I commented, I felt joy seeing the comment of my best friend Chinnie, I hope again, dream again, and keep believing again…….I will continue on loving HIM….him…them…

 

Posted at Monday, February 07, 2005 by Star-Tariray
LeT mE kNoW UR tHoUgHtS.......  

 
Friday, February 04, 2005
~ To mY VerY SpEcIaL fRieND ~
tO mY vERy SpeCiaL frIEnd



A soulder to cry on
Somebody to lean on
From dusk till dawn
I can hear you moan


Someone so realiable
Loving and irresistable
Someone apart from all
I'll help you when you call


I'll let the whole wolrd see
That you're so speacial to me
The love you gave
I find so generously


In my heart
And in my mind
You'll always remain
A very special friend of mine


whoelse,

Star
  Blow Kiss 
Posted at Friday, February 04, 2005 by Star-Tariray
LeT mE kNoW UR tHoUgHtS.......  

 
Thursday, February 03, 2005
~ Am I DeTeRiORaTiNg? ~

Sigh…..Am  I  deteriorating??

   Oh noh! Can’t imagine what a day I have…Sigh..tsk, tsk, tsk….(long Sigh again)….it indeed sucks….really it is….My supervisor called me for a one on one…sigh…I did something wrong (it worries me)…and really shameful because I have been doing this job for quite sometime now and yet still resulted into some irregularities….I am the only one who got it for this week….it shocked her because she was not expecting that I will be the one behind it ..to think that there are a lotFrozen of new Reps on the floor…I myself never thought of that as well…but it happened…My supervisor which is a good friend of mine gave me a cold stare as if asking "What the Hell is Happening to you?"….I am indeed so ashamed to looked straight back at her…I have a lot of stupid things done especially this week….I am late, feeling so sad, not on my self lately….she asked me "Is there something bothering you?"….I just replied her shaking my head "NOTHING"…(deep inside of me The Spirit is shouting "Liar")…..She asked again, then why are you resulting in these kind of irregularities? I just kept my mouth shut don’t want to answer her again for another lie… I have seen in her eyes that she do not believed me on my answer…she gave me a sigh and a frown and continued on scanning the paper that contained the problem that I have resulted…she written down a note on it and hand it over to me saying.."I need your written explanation abut this pick up irregularities today…..

   Oh my God, it did shows didn’t it?….how long will this affect me…how long this will stay?…I don’t want this that’s for sure…and I did not ask for this….I don’t know what to do with my self….I have nobody to share this…and it really hurt me so much…all are kept on piling up inside of me…I cannot tell this to my mom, to my ate, to my other friends, to my cell group…I have nobody but You and this blog…I haven’t talk to anybody about this since then except Lizette through the letter that I have sent her. And I believed I haven’t put all what I am feeling and how I am suffering from these…because I don’t want to bother her…I don’t want this…sigh…..what will I do?…I am scared to trust and be hurt again….that is why I kept it insisde of me… I believed but it is really affecting and poisoning me….sob..sob..sob..I don’t know what to do..please pray for me…pray for me…pleaseeeeee….No

   I stared at the document (my supervisor has given me) for a long time and I am really feeling not right…like something needed to scaped out from my heart and I cannot even think of what is the best possible reason I could have that resulted to this. Sigh….but thank you Lord, that I have created a one sentence reason that is true enough to stand my irregularities….I hand it over to her and she told me this as my friend…."Tell me, perhaps I could help"…I cried for her concerned to me and told her that I still need to pray for it…and that she won’t understand me for what is happening …sigh…she insisted "Tell me I will try to understand you as a friend"….I shooked my head in disagreement saying "Don’t mind me, I can handle this.." then she stopped and walked away from me….I can’t stand to be on the floor and I am feeling that I am deteriorating and out of control about what I am feeling..indeed my emotions are so hard to handle….I’m on my way to the CR to relieved my self when I met another co-agent of mine giving a comment "Hey you really looked tired and stressed"… I just gave out a smile in reply…Oh God…I’m getting worst and really not in shape to work…

   "Nalulungkot akong masyado…..I am so down and in a heavy heart….My supervisor told me that she is greatly alarmed on what is happening to me right now…she suggest that I needed a break and to stop and un-wind for a while. I asked her to give me a vacation leave by next week because I believed I cannot continue like this anymore…I needed to go to Baguio to settle things out… she replied back she cannot give me any guarantee for next No week’s leave but will still have to work it out for other agent’s availability…sigh…I requested her that please not to prolong my suffering… 

   God, I’m lifting this up to you, please heal me..you know for a fact that I have nobody to cry on especially in these moment but only you. I have no capability of healing my self and that I am nothing and can do nothing without you in my life…let me praise you and sing to you my song…

In moments like this
I sing out a song
I sing out a love song to Jesus
In moments like this
I lift up my hand
I lift up my hands to the Lord
Singing I love you Lord
Singing I love you Lord
Singing I love you Lord
I love you…

    

Crying 1

      
              

Posted at Thursday, February 03, 2005 by Star-Tariray
LeT mE kNoW UR tHoUgHtS.......  

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