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Tuesday, February 01, 2005
~ cHeRIsHeD fRiENds ~

ChErIsHeD fRiEnDs



God must have known there would be times
We'd need a word of cheer
Someone to praise a truimph
or brush away a tear

He must have known we'd need to share
the joy of "Little things"
In order to appreciate
The happiness life brings

I think He knew our trouble hearts
Would sometimes throb with pain
At trials and misfortunes
Or some goals we can't attain

He knew we'd need the comfort
Of an undersatnding heart
To give us strength and courage
To make a fresh new start

He knew we'd need companionship
Unselfish...lasting...true
And so God answered the heart's great need
With Cherished Friends....
Like you....


I thank you Lord, for this wonderful friends that you have given me...indeed I am so blessed. They make me complete Oh Lord...truly you are God...I thank you so much for them and please bless them..Forever praise and glory are yours....Amen.... 
 
Roll 


Posted at Tuesday, February 01, 2005 by Star-Tariray
LeT mE kNoW UR tHoUgHtS.......  

 
Friday, January 28, 2005
~.....GooDBye.....~

.....sigh.........Goodbye........sigh....


                                                                                                               

        Crying 1 


   Last night was the night where I never dreamed of to happened……the night where I am so scared to happened and the night where I have to take a stand and be honest to myself for my true feelings for this person.…Pain and fear of losing him enveloped me…sigh…tears welled up my eyes from the start to the end of my conversation to this special friend of mine. Oh God, you know how much I have come to love him….and I have learned to love him in silence…and now I know that it is you Lord that broke the silence inside of me to be courageous and be brutally honest to tell it to him…

 

   It is indeed the most humiliating, degrading and really un-acceptable thing that I have done into my life…sigh…thank you for the courage Lord…without you I never have done it…that as much a I denied it and hide it, the more it shows in me….this is in connection of my argument with a Friend last Friday night. Indeed she knew from the start that I’m falling in-love with my best friend that I have kept and I have tried to deny to my self that I did fall into him…for the possible longest time….all the while I never thought it would be like this…because I always told my self that “it can’t be, he is my friend”…but yes it is…that’s why I am confused about my feelings into this friend…sigh….Lord I have lifted this up to you and that it is the cry of my heart for the moment that “every encounter that I have  for this friend strengthened the suspicion that I might falling in-love with him. How did one pour out @ God’s feet “The Treasure Store” of one’s love? Oh God…here am I again…asking you why??? Oh why? But let me stop for a while and that let me not asked you why…why I have so much questions? Why is that I have so many Why’s? Why should I be asking? And why should I have to feel and be hurt this way? Why? No answers…and I will not look for it anymore….

 

   Yesterday was a gloomy day for me…..I went to the doctor for an eye check up and I got unpleasant news. I have been diagnosed for Eye Ulcer in the stage of blurriness and if will be disregard too long could lead into permanent blindness….the doctor was quite strict on me about my situation and that it made me don’t feel right at all. He advised me that I am right now into observation for operation today if the problem did not reacted to the medicine that was been dropped into my eyes. Indeed it was painful and made me think what I did to my previous days to have this. The Ulcer could be formed in just a span of an hour and that could affect my eyes in the soonest possible time. It is indeed quite big enough that is so visible upon looking into my eyes. I cried and prayed hard yesterday….my friend’s face flashed into my mind. My spiritual brother, I asked God to please have Him on-line so that I could talked and asked him to pray for me…God is indeed so good that I have seen him on-line…I confide to him and that leaded the conversation for me to open up the things that bothers me since last week…

 

Star: the other day | was asking to Him why things happened like these. and I got reason..pero why right now...I felt so troubled and so sad...

Star: I kept on examining my self if I have done wrong into my neighbor and to Him...

Star: and I really can't think of something...

 somar79126: how bout Job?

somar79126: did he do anything wrong to any of his neighbors or to God?

Star: I remember none...

Star: would this be a test???

Star: just like him...

somar79126: that's not for me to answer, but I counsel you to seek HIM and Praise Him while you are in this time of seeming darkness.

Star: I'm praising Him right now and also crying and asking for His forgiveness...even though I looked so stupid here....

Star: I just don't know what to do...

somar79126: like my friend's Dad said a long time ago that stuck with me, "Look for the gold nuggets while being in the dark caves."

somar79126: and I know from experience in dark times that those gold nuggets are precious!

Star: just a sec I remember something that made me feel so bad and made me so sad...

Star: I'm quite relieved now and I came to remember something that happened to me the other week that I need to ask forgiveness

Star: to God...

somar79126: care to share?

Star: you don't have to ask kasi the Holy Spirit is prompting me to share it to you...

Star: ahhhmmmm....I really don't know where to start at all...

Star: but let me begin....

Star: I and Liz had an argument last Friday...I'm sorry...

Star: I'm really am...

somar79126: for what?

Star: for something so stupid...

Star: really so stupid...she said something that made me cry and until Monday I still carried it over in my work...

Star: it made my weekend so sad and so heavy...sighs...

somar79126: what did she say?

Star: I know manong I already forgiven her but I don't know...it troubles me so much...

Star: and something wrong so stupid arise inside of me....and please forgive me....

somar79126: I'm not on anyone's side her except the Lord's and give you what the Lord would have me to say.

Star: please do so...because I know I needed it...

somar79126: ...you've forgiven her, but it troubles you much? how can you still be troubled by it?...

Star: i don't know...I really don't know...

somar79126: and also does she know that she hurt you and that you were offended by whatever she said?

Star: yeah she knew because I rang her eh...

somar79126: did you gals talk it over?

Star: and told it to her...

Star: yup...

Star: but I still feel that it's not yet alright between the two of us...

somar79126: when I mean talk it over, I mean by you gals actually dealing with it and asking forgiveness with each other in sincerity, in truth, and in love?

Star: manong you know me....I as well asked forgiveness if in any ways I hurt and offended her...

Star: I don't know how to say it...

somar79126: say it how you said it.

Star: I just came to realized it last Friday lang...

Star: after what happened between us...

somar79126: who me and you?

Star: nope between me and her...

Star: I haven't seen you on-line last Friday...

somar79126: i know....so what did you say?

somar79126: umm hellooo...are you still there?

Star: yeah...I'm finding the right words on how to say it out..

somar79126: say what you said to her...those are the right words.

somar79126: I don't want you to sugarcoat it because you are saying it to me.

Star: nope...I won't sugar coat it...

Star: I have been brutally honest to you from the start...the thing is I just don't want to hurt somebody..

somar79126: you're not going to hurt me and if you do then I'll let you know.

Star: okay...

Star: let me just pray...

Star: I'm done...

somar79126: ok

 

 

   Dear God,

 

   This is the most hardest, saddest and very difficult part for me…. last Friday’s conversation opened something in me...it also awaken something that I have kept long ago and that something that I tried to avoid...God knows all of that...and just only last Friday I have come to realized all of it upon my conversation with her…. I hated it, and somehow this is really stupid, really, really stupid... and I myself cannot believed it as well...and could not forgive myself about it... sounds crazy and really humiliating and degrading and really unacceptable.... I'm falling in-love with my Best Friend. Sigh... and I know this isn't right... forgive me...don't worry I tell this to her as well.... I believed she has to know... Pls forgive me....I really do apologize... I just came to realized it when she told it to me last Friday... I know for sure it was indeed so long that I tried to deny it... the more it really shows (Prov. 27:19 As water reflects a face, so a man’s heart reflects the man)

 

   Oh God, it hurt so much and really so disheartened. Yet God I know for sure that this is for the common good and that you wanted me to be set free on this battle and struggle inside of me (Prov. 25:17 Seldom set put in your neighbors house, too much of you and he will hate you)….

 

   SIGH….I know we have to stopped communicating because it affected me so much and that it may lead into much deeper pain later on….I cried hard and really so sorry for what I have done but I believed God that you made this to happened and that for a reason….people come and go…nothing is permanent….only you… now I believed I learned to love somebody in the most cleanliest and purest possible way and thought that I could ever be…I never felt jealous which is so weird of me because I have come to love them both. I learned to not to be selfish because who am I to them…I did not envy her but indeed rejoices with her for she was so blessed to have my best friend…I learned to be kind and treated her fairly because I loved both of them, I learned to be even  more honest to the both of them for being so vocal on what my feelings are…what I am with the Lord did not delight on what I am feeling for him because it isn’t right, when both of them are on the rocks I am twice as times as troubled than the two of then…indeed when I heard of them in a not good condition my heart are breaking up…if they are happy I am 2x happier for them….could you ever believed that I am willing to do favor from both of them because I do cared so much to them?…and right now I believed with gladness that the love inside of me grows much stronger for the two of them…it did grows mature…LOL….thank you Lord for this love…and I know Lord you’re the one who gave me this…Thank you so much…. Now I have come to my favorite verse again…

 

1 Cor. 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails….

 

   We bid our last good byes until the time comes that God will permit me met him again in His time …in His own perfect time…honestly speaking I felt sadness and longing for the fellowship I used to have with him…I cried all what I have in stored and I believed I released it all before I left the chair where I am sitting….yesterday is a another day of my life and today is another hope for me to look forward to…just like into my previous sharing …… “I don’t know what lies ahead of me for this year”…..I have no plans because I have given it all up to the Lord….life indeed is  full of surprises…..let me say my last farewell…Good bye….  Crying 2 

      

Posted at Friday, January 28, 2005 by Star-Tariray
LeT mE kNoW UR tHoUgHtS.......  

 
Thursday, January 27, 2005
~ Reason's For Everything ~

rEaSoNs FoR eVeRyThInG

   It's just only today that I have to let go of a very special person...it made me wonder and asked God why? Why things happened this way and not on that way? Why these things happened to me not to her or to him?....indeed so many questions that kept on floating into my mind that needed an immediate answer...yet I did not get any....days for sure will become weeks and weeks become months yet the probable answers were not at hand...I wanted to gave up searching for those reasons that I wanted to be answered yet God is so loving and wanted me to learn that things was indeed happened with reasons and purpose and that I must learn how to wait and He’ll reveal what he got for me….

   God’s choice involve His plans for a whole universe – all the atoms, all the worlds, all the people, pretty and ugly, rich and poor. He’s engineering an intricate pattern for good, and part of that pattern might necessitate lending me a person for me to appreciate then later on to take it back to Him for a much greater plans for me……

Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in a man’s heart but it is God’s plans will prevail..

   Indeed God is God who knows greater than I…I have plans yet God’s plans is far more greater than what I could ever hope or dreamed of. It was only recently that I came to understand to let God be God of my life and that to let Him lead and master of my life…

   Whenever I came to think of a friend who will go away and leave me I felt so sad and indeed pain of not seeing him and hearing from him again. But I just let it be because it is needed as well…since God is the one who gave him to me and that He has plans, reasons and purpose why this friend of mine should have to go…or should have to stay…

   People come into your life for a REASON, a SEASON, or a LIFETIME. When you know which one it is for a person, you will know what to do for that person.

   When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered, and now it is time to move on.

  Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. 

   Then someone will come to share with you for your LIFETIME here on earth. LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that God love is and that He bridges the gap where a never ending friendship starts. Thank you for being a part of my life!
 

Kisses

 

Posted at Thursday, January 27, 2005 by Star-Tariray
LeT mE kNoW UR tHoUgHtS.......  

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