Saturday, December 04, 2004
= A Focus into My Life =
My Journal of 12/4/2004 -
Just only this Saturday, I came to attend a birthday of a Christian friend from our cell group. There I came to meet some of her friends and family. I was so surprised and really amazed on how God worked into her family. Her family is the ideal family that I ever wanted and dreamed of. As I was there, observing the entire group making a little program for the birthday celebrant. I came to realized (I know it is God made me to realized) that I must put focus into my life…..I almost cried because I am a Christan yet I have no focus into my life…I know He has plans yet I always tried to deny or tried to run away from what He really wanted me to do. The celebration is actually an over-night celebration yet I did not stayed behind with the group…I went home in the middle of the morning with other Christian friend who drove me outside our village. I feel that there is a need for me to contemplate, stop and think and most of all to talk and pray, pray, pray, and seek Him evenmore…
I walked on way home and I really enjoyed the intimacy that I have with the Lord that morning…it stopped raining since last Friday that caused the moon as well as the stars graced the morning sky..it is indeed beautiful…God wanted me to fully surrender my life to Him...that is why I feel that there is still something missing into my life… I pray, read the bible, attend fellowship yet after all of these when I am alone there is still emptiness inside of me…just like after that wonderful fellowship I have with my Christian friends on my way home I feel that God wanted something out of me…something that needed to be done into my life…and then again here I am asking Him, God what is this that you wanted??…and you know what?? He started me to see what kind of a christian am I…I’m a Christian who grumbles, complains a lot..when problems came I started to worry and tried to do and resolved things on my way that I forgot that there is God that I could trust…just like the story of the house built on the sand ….I am that Christian…Lesson "I have to trust HIM!" Next I’m a Christian who always say that I wanted to be in the ministry and I wanted to serve Him…yet I am the first one who runs away and always wanted to find my way out letting my human nature prevail..just like the Story of Jonah…God revealed me that I am called by Him… I had plans for my life worked out on my own mind for years ahead, and it was not easy for me to see them change. But God has a way of getting His way! As the old song says, "He doesn’t make you go – He only makes you willing to go!" LOL again in this message ***God wants me to fully surrender my life in Him…lastly…He wanted me to wait and grow in Him, He is just == Waiting For a Time ==
Questions! Baffling, searing, soul-searching, heart-rending perplexities washed in endless tides over my every waking hour. But again God’s word: "Until the time that His word came; the word of the Lord tried him" (ps 105:19).
Now I see it! Lord, "until the Time….! There is a time! I am waiting for a time! "When The fullness of Time was come, God sent forth…." (Gal 4:4). With these thoughts, my spirit would soar in fresh hope and faith. But, with the passage of further years and further fears, my soul would again become disquieted..
Like sand slowly sifting its tiresome way through the time glass, it seemed my own life was ebbing by without a purpose and fulfillment. Deep down there was an awareness of a divine call, a divine commission and a divine purpose that must find its expression through this earthen vessel. But why the seemingly endless delay..??
It is because I am still holding on in this world...I am still guarded by my pride that I can do things on my way..It is because I let that desires of my human flesh prevail over His will..."The spirit is willing but the body is weak"...it is because "I have no focus in my life...it is because I tend not to listen to His voice of love and truth.....it is because I closes my eyes that He is God...able and almighty...it is because I did not trust Him fully.....
Now He made me realized all of those...I already reached our front gate yet I did not come inside to sleep ..I laid down to the bench where I could see the morning sky where the moon and the stars taking it's place back to let another day for the sun to shine...another day that I will do changed my life and let the hand of God take control of my life....
For sure He made me experience all those hurts in the past to make me realized how much I have been wrong in my every ways....and you know what? after He made me see what kind of a Christian I am....He flashed back again the family of my Christian friend....ei, that's my ideal family...what about it Lord???
I got no answer..... ano kaya yon??? but then whatever it is....~Patiently I'll Wait~
I have written this upon my conversation with my spiritual brother over the yahoo messenger...God used this brother of mine to opened up "the beauty of serving God and following Him" just like what is written in the book of 1Samuel 15:22…"Does the Lord delight in burn offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the Lord? "to Obey Is better that Sacrifice" and heed is better than the fat of rams.....
Posted at Saturday, December 04, 2004 by Star-Tariray